I Give Up

Dad Update: My aunt Julie and I are dropping the guardianship. We are in over our heads. My dad is moving out of assisted living and back home to his condo as I write this. Bad enough that he can't do the stairs, but he's moving in with his ex-girlfriend. And this ex-girlfriend who is supposed to help him do the stairs gets winded doing them herself. This is not Lora, this is Sally.

Don't know if I've mentioned Sally. She was more involved earlier this year, and is about as crazy as Lora, but not as smart. She called my mom and screamed at her because my mom took my dad's cat home to look after when my dad was facing months of rehab. She called my aunt and accused her of stealing my dad's wine out of his condo. Didn't take any of the food that was offered to her, just wanted the wine. She was flaky, only around when she wanted something, and my dad would give her money to do things that never got done. I thought she finally understood my dad's situation, and she disappeared for a while, but now she's back and as stupid as ever.

The neurological assessment came back, and the recommendation was that my dad does not need the guardianship. I read through it, and the recommendation seems inconsistent with the deficits that were found, but we agreed to follow the assessment. Plus, the next action would be to write a deposition to discredit the assessor and then go on to court. Don't think this guardianship is worth going to court over. It will cost thousands of dollars more to do it, and our lawyer says it could go either way.

The assessment was sent with a declaration from my dad's lawyer, my dad...and Lora. What the hell is an affidavit from Lora doing in all this? Seriously! How unprofessional is that? She talked all about how we took away his rights without just cause and have imprisoned him an ALF against his will, and a bunch of other lies that anger me to think about. What's more infuriating is the lies in my dad's declaration. Was he in a coma during all this?! He can't honestly believe that things happened the way he says he did. Either he's more mentally damaged than the assessment said, he's outright lying, or it's all Lora. It's probably a combination of all of the above. Either way, I am ashamed of the ugly thoughts I had about my dad. I haven't talked to him in weeks because he sent me another hurtful text message, but now I'm not sure I can talk to him ever again! Part of the reason for dropping the guardianship is because of the complete lack of appreciation for everything we've done. He metaphorically gave my aunt and I the finger. Julie says she may never be able to be friends with him again, and I can't say that my relationship with him isn't scarred somehow, too.

So...our lawyer is writing a stipulation that Julie and I do not agree with anything in my dad's and Lora's petitions, and we will drop the guardianship if my dad pays all the lawyer fees. Sounds fair, I think. But, there has been a delay because my dad fired his lawyer due to a high bill. His lawyer didn't know that we agreed to drop the guardianship based on the assessment or he wouldn't have written all the declarations that ran up the bill (Yeah...my dad really knows what's going on...)

My dad also refuses to pay the guardian at litem that he's court ordered to pay. He rather fight the guy than pay the $1,000. He doesn't realize it will cost more money to fight him. So, the last thing I will do as guardian is call my dad's bank and cut the last checks for the guardian at litem and for my lawyer. This means that I will be getting more angry calls from my dad.

I know, it still sounds like my dad needs the guardianship even though we're dropping it. Like I said, we're in over our heads, and we can't keep fighting. My dad needs a good dose of reality and failure before he sees all that we've done for him. I feel good about the decision, but it's still hard. Lora has done a great disservice to my dad, and I still don't understand why she's involved.

I don't think what I did has gone to waste. We got my dad out of a horrible situation with his caregivers and into a safe environment. My dad has made progress since June, and I truly believe he would not have made this progress if he was at home. I can only pray that he's strong enough to keep from falling down the stairs.

So...that's it. I'm sending my dad off to fend for himself. And when Lora or Sally call us crying and don't know what to do, they are on their own. I'm done. This may all come back up again, and I'm sure it will, but it will be because the people around my dad truly understand that my dad is not capable of the things he says he is.

Later,
Carolyn