To My Angel Babies

I miss curling up on the futon with bad nausea. Steve would ask if there was anything he could do, and I would answer, “You’ve done enough!” I miss the gagging when I ate vegetables. I miss leaving my plate mostly full after Steve made me a wonderful steak dinner. I miss worrying if I was eating the wrong things or when I woke up on my back. I miss the dizziness and tripping over my feet as if I were walking through a fun house. I especially miss that while on the airplane when I bumped into people’s seats walking back from the bathroom after throwing up breakfast. I miss my breasts being so tender that it hurt to walk. I miss peeing every ten minutes, especially during the night when I had to pull myself out of my warm bed. I miss being irritated by Steve when he was fast asleep beside me, and I had insomnia. I miss the zits and dry skin. I miss not having to shave my legs as much because the hair grew slower. I miss my shiny hair and long, healthy nails. I miss being afraid to take pain medicine when I had a headache so I just suffered. I miss staring at my checking account thinking, “How are we going to afford this?” I miss looking at my profile in the mirror to see if I was showing yet. I miss people telling me I'm glowing. I miss people guessing whether I was having a boy or a girl (most believed it was a girl). I miss planning the baby’s room (nothing pink) and my baby shower (I hate baby showers, I wanted a baby party!). I miss looking at a pregnant woman or a new baby and smiling instead of looking way and crying.

But mostly, I miss my three angel babies.

Your short existence in this world will not be forgotten.

Daniel Mark Harris

Miscarried at 12 weeks (fetal age 10 ½ weeks) due to down syndrome (10/10/2012)

Due Date 4/18/2013

Ectopic Pregnancy

Ruptured at 8 weeks (10/10/2011)

Due Date 5/16/2012

Chemical Pregnancy

5 ½ weeks (05/2011)

Due Date 1/8/2012